A Journey Beyond Sleep: Encountering My Inner World

My body was well asleep, but my mind was aware of all its surroundings. I opened my eyes to a world of black and white. I was lying in my bed, in my bedroom, yet it felt like another version of it existed on a different plane. An intense ringing filled my ears as I felt my entire being vibrate. Suddenly, fear began to take over. My mind was awake, but I couldn’t move my body. I wanted to speak, but there was no sound. Then, the comforter on my bed, which once seemed safe, began to move. It stood tall in front of me and crept closer and closer. In this moment, the world stood still.

Facing the Nightmare Without Fear

Normally, in this situation, I would try to wake myself from this “nightmare.” In the past, I always thought it was just a warning that something evil was after me. This time, however, things were different. The fear that had invaded my mind dissipated. Suddenly, I was back in control. I still could not speak, but it felt like my thoughts dictated what happened next. The comforter dropped lifeless to the floor, and there I stood alone in my colorless room.

“I should leave this room,” I thought. I walked toward my bedroom door and paused. “Doors do not exist to me here,” the words echoed in my mind. Normally, this would sound foreign, but somehow I understood. I looked up toward my ceiling and jumped through it. I was now in a deep void, flying at great speeds.

A City of Light and a Voice from Within

Blackness surrounded me, but I felt excitement as wind rushed over my body. I looked forward, attempting to find a horizon, and suddenly a wave of light in all colors appeared in the distance. As I got closer, the waves of light transformed into a golden city. There was no sense of up or down as the city seemed to surround me from every direction. Amazed by what I saw, a woman’s voice gently filled my heart.

“Welcome, you have finally made it home,” she said. Her words sounded like the most magnificent orchestra I had ever heard. It was sweet music, almost as if I alone were privy to the secrets contained within them. The blackness disappeared into a pure white flash, and I was back in my bed, opening my eyes for what felt like the very first time.

The Science and Mystery of Sleep Paralysis

Cleveland Clinic studies show that about 30% of people experience sleep paralysis in their lifetime. Some studies even suggest that sleep paralysis may warn of underlying issues. While I respect these findings, I believe that something more can be found within sleep paralysis.

As a youth, I felt I had a vivid imagination. Because of this, it seemed I experienced sleep paralysis almost weekly. Every time, it would start and end the same way. I would feel fear and try to jolt myself awake. Oddly enough, every time I woke up, I felt an urge to return to that dream. It was like something was trying to speak to me internally, but I could never hear the message because I let fear take over.

Exploring Our Shadow in Dreams

In previous posts, I’ve talked about addressing the shadow—the hidden parts of ourselves. Dreams are a place where your shadow becomes more visible. Our shadow consists of regrets, fears, envy, and unprocessed emotions. We constantly bury these within our subconscious, thinking it’s best to avoid them. Eventually, these energies become so concentrated that we are left with no choice but to face them. When we sleep, our subconscious mind is awake.

The Connection Between Lucid Dreams and Sleep Paralysis

Some people separate lucid dreams from sleep paralysis. I am here to suggest they are one and the same. Neither are inherently good or bad. They exist within us to guide us back to our center. Sleep paralysis may feel as if something is trying to harm you, but as I described in my story above, they may really be lucid dreams in disguise. Many things can seem frightening until we recognize what doesn’t belong. Keep this in mind as we move into the following exercise.

Exercise: Uncovering Hidden Feelings

Consider a feeling you have been ignoring. To identify it, think of an emotion that never seems to pass. You try several ways to ignore it, but it always returns. Sometimes it resurfaces or triggers without warning. If you’re struggling to bring this feeling to mind, try one that is easier to identify—maybe something that currently annoys you. Sometimes, what we see in others reflects what we feel within ourselves.

Once you have the thought in mind, try answering these questions:

• What do you believe is the root cause of this feeling?
• Why have you been avoiding or suppressing it?
• How does this feeling show up in your dreams, if at all?
• If this feeling could take on another form, what might it look like?
• What new insights or surprises emerged as you explored this emotion?

Discovering Strength in Facing Fears

Discovering yourself through fears and doubts can be difficult. If you open up and are honest with yourself, you can find strength. The things that make us feel weak can also be a source of strength. A good place to learn more about yourself is in your dreams. The next time you find yourself in a nightmare, try opening yourself up to receive the messages hidden within.

This takes practice, so if you struggle at first, don’t be discouraged. Be compassionate with yourself. Reflect on your experiences and keep moving forward.